As all ‘Stall Talk’ listeners know, I have strong opinions and stand behind them (sometimes to a fault). This topic has been something that has been close to my heart, especially in the last couple years of following the NHL. Some people may say. “Rainer, shut up you’re a tier 3 junior hockey coach and you have no place to be calling guys out that make millions and play in the National League.” To that I respond with a quote from someone who I consider very similar to myself, a masked vigilante who protects Gotham City the way I strive to protect the stars in the game of hockey.
“Sometimes the truth isnt good enough, sometimes people need more”
The List Of Phonies
Now for what the people have been waiting for.
The biggest reason this blog is being written and in my opinion the biggest phony not only in the NHL but in all professional team sports… John Tavares.
Hate to do it to you Johnny, but I found myself for years throughout my junior career and into my college career (which was short lived) defending you and constantly preaching that you were a top 3 player in the NHL when you were with the Isles. Does it make me a phony for being on your side and constantly battling for you in below average bar arguments with the boys? Maybe, if it does, shame on you Johnny, and shame on those Toronto PJ’s that you had as a young child. I’m not going to be the guy that throws out all these numbers and stats around to back up my opinion. I think the New York Islanders without JT is proof enough to put him on this list. Shame on you Johnny, for being a phony and letting down all the hockey guys that defended you in bar arguments, and most of all shame on you for letting down the city of Toronto.
Sitting in stone next to our good buddy Johnny on our Mount Rushmore of NHL phonies is another “superstar” that I’ve had a lot of strong opinions on… Steven Stamkos.
Stammer is an interesting addition to this list, now before I go scorched earth and completely bury Stamkos, I will say that he’s a pure goal scorer… The guy tucked 60 in one year… 60 goals people.. That’s more than Pauly, Gresko, and Hof ever scored combined, and he did it in as I like to call it the National League. People may be wondering “Rainer, how is Stammer a phony? The guy scored 60 goals in a season and when healthy is a perennial all star in the league”. When healthy is my complete argument with Steven.. The guy makes 8.5 million dollars and is currently living it up in the Toronto bubble while the rest of the team (that he’s the captain of) is putting there bodies on the line, and preparing for a possible run to the Stanley Cup Finals (don’t count out the Johnny Tavares less Isles). It could be just me and my lingering post concussion syndrome, but I don’t even remember watching Steven play a meaningful hockey game. Stevey is a borderline sleepwalker when it comes to playoff hockey, and the Tampa Bay Lightning might honestly be happy that he’s out of the lineup. Remember last year when Stevey was in the lineup and they got embarrassed by the Blue Jackets and got swept in the first round after being dominant for the regular season… Go comb your hair and kiss your golden doodle goodnight Stevey. You’re a phony.
Ah, the next on this list is unfortunately very close to my heart as he plays for my home state team, the Minnesota Wild. The only group of people that will argue with me about this is the one direction/ Justin Bieber fans, middle school girls, and the few fans that are still living in the glory days from his time in New Jersey. Zach Parise.
Wild fans.. Do I have even have to elaborate on this one? Zachy Boy is an absolute phony. Hard to blame him on this one.. Wild management completely overvalued him from the beginning of his mega contract that was supposed to take the wild to the next level. The only thing Zach took in the end was a large sum of money from the Minnesota Wild, and the hearts of most female hockey fans in the state. Lets face it the guy is an absolute man rocket, and may be better suited to team up with Harry Styles, Niall Horan, and whoever the rest of One Direction crew used to consist of. It does pain me to put him on this list with Johnny, and Steven but Zachy is phony and I can’t stand by and be silent about it.
Ryan Nugent-Hopkins.
I don’t have much to say about Nuge.. He’s a clear-cut phony without me making a case against him… The former first overall pick needs to be better. Wake up bud, you have McJesus and Big Daddy Leon trying to take the Oilers to the next level, and you can’t make a positive contribution in anyway whatsoever. This one might be a tad personal, and I’ll own up to that… I got a Nugent-Hopkins ‘shersey’ after he was drafted and just like our good friend Johnny T he made me look like a phony.
A list that will change…most likely
Unlike Mount Rushmore this list is controlled by my irrational, and ever-changing thoughts. If something changes I’ll make sure to let all of you know, however one thing is for sure… as of now these four are massive phonies, and need to (as of Hof used to tell me) ebay your gear.
